“We should be struggling to evolve towards living a peaceful life, not just finishing the next chore on the list, believing that, when it’s done, then we’ll start living. No more postponement: it’s getting late in the day. Either we learn how to wake up now or we sleepwalk into death.”
Ruby Wax’s book ‘Frazzled’ arrives as a storm is brewing. Fino, my five-month old Rottweiler and I run through the thick drops of rain from the post office, rip open the package (well I do as Fino looks on drooling, expecting a peanut butter flavoured nylabone that came in another package). I settle onto my bed to get reading, being only two days before the arrival of Ruby to Sydney to start her Australian tour of Frazzled, the show. I have also booked an interview with the hilarious and ‘poignant’ comedian and mental health poster girl who shares my name (it only seemed fitting for Ruby TV).
Frazzled, tag lined ‘A Mindfulness Guide for the Frazzled’ (Penguin) is Ruby’s witty and clever but also very informed and sincere work about mindfulness and how to use basic techniques of mediation in everyday life to reduce stress and be more present. It may sound simple, and it should be, but it obviously isn’t as she points out that 90 percent of illnesses are stress related and that the ladling of stress on stress (being stressed about being stressed!) is the worst killer of all.
You probably know Ruby Wax. If you don’t, I’ll let her introduce herself – here. (But don’t get too distracted by her site! Bookmark it and come back and read on.)
If you didn’t click right now, or if you’re back (thanks!) here’s an extract from Ruby’s intro onto how she transformed from a comic behind-the-scenes interviewer to a modern day mindfulness guru:
“My ‘aha’ moment came when I realized I had used my success as armour to cover the chaos inside me. I’d created a fabrication, like those smiling cardboard cut-outs of showgirls in Vegas. I was just a front; and, behind the front, no one was at home. I have noticed that celebrity is a fantastic antidote to a dysfunctional early life. However, after this deepest of deep depressions, I’d thought I’d cut the chord of show business and move on, which was smart, because I was, in any case, becoming less popular. (I knew things were slipping when I found myself cutting a red ribbon to open a Costa at Heathrow. Terminal Three.)
I thought it would be a good time to reinvent myself and, while I was at it, find out who, exactly, had been inhabiting my brain all these years.”
Over the past years, Ruby has been sharing her discoveries with people all over the world through written and spoken words. Frazzled follows on from Sane New World, also a book (then show) that followed her clinical depression and research into what that actually meant, how it felt, why it happened and how she to deal with it.
At this point in my cosy reading session, the storm has become dramatic. Fino has raised brows and Ana, his sister, has curled up , posing as a cat, on the bed beside me, and I must admit Ana is looking more calm then ever. The mindful chat may be catching. Then there’s a few sensational claps of thunder and lightening bolts. And blackout.
Being someone who is very sensitive to sound and vibration- always turning TVs off or down at any occasion in other people’s houses and unplugging fridges from hotel rooms , I’m delighted. I tell Fino and Ana all is well, unplug the mains and gather the candles. I honestly think a day a week without electricity (apart from hospitals and the likes) should be introduced. We would dine by candlelight then gather around a harpsichords or oud. Anyway…
By candlelight, I fittingly continue…(I don’t really, but I do really dine by candlelight then the lights, disappointingly, come back on. I try to read by candlelight anyway but nearly cause a fire so continue with a dim electrical lamp. Don’t tell my optometrist friend.)
Ruby tells us how the information age, with all the benefits it has, has us distracted to a point of frenzy. You can hear her talk about this in various interviews by googling her (this is kinda, but not really, ironic).
In Frazzled, Ruby wonderfully weaves the nitty gritty of scientific fact (she’s not just spurting out whimsical theories after too much coffee or sugar or whatever, she has a Masters in Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy from Oxford), with hilarious and honest personal anecdote, with comic asides (she is, after all, a highly talented and seasoned entertainer). She’ll rattle out an outrageously funny story, then come up with a personal theory, clarifying with “I made that up. It may not be a fact.”, followed by a section forwarded with: “For those of you who, like me, love a bit of evidence, here comes some more….” and provide us details from a Harvard neuroscientist’s report on the effect of meditation on brain structure.
Ruby gives tips on: metacognition (how to stand back and watch thoughts and feelings); how to calm the mind (you should be controlling it not being controlled by it) and how to get out of negative thought ruts with exciting facts about neuro-placitity (the brain’s ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections throughout life- this is not Ruby’s description but the one I found by googling it on www.medicinenet.com. In other words- ideas of what we may think is fact actually are often just ideas concreted through repetition and that these are breakable by consciously creating different types of thoughts. This is also why it is not a great idea to watch certain news channels on loop.).
Ruby also tells us simple ways to come back to the moment, and defrazzle, by using specific anchor points in the body (being a tap dance evangelist, she is a woman speaking my mind here… or, rather, feet).
“Every thought produces biochemical reactions in the brain, that match a feeling in the body. When you think happy thoughts, the body feels good, thanks to the power of dopamine; you think sad, you feel sad. The brain picks up bodily emotions and translates them into thoughts. It’s like a cat chasing its tail: feelings to thinking, thinking to feelings, feelings to … it’s endless… when you send your focus into the body and keep t there by means of training your attention, you can stop this loop tape. Once your attentions is focused on a bodily feeling, the thoughts lose their power.”
Her comic timing transposes beautifully to text (with an apparent great, seamless edit by Joanna Bowen). If reading on public transport, do be prepared to be that person behind that book (bright attention grabbing ruby(ish) red cover, very easy to read bold black FRAZZLED title) chuckling like a hyena- at least I was while reading Chapter Four A Depressing Interlude, while distracting myself from a small panic about not being able to find crew for upcoming said interview (good news, in a moment of incredible Cannes synchronicity, I found someone and you’re in for a threat, I hope !).
Ruby tackles shame, guilt, fear, sense of inferiority, ADHD and clinical depression (and points out that it’s not just a bad hair day or something people suffering can just ‘snap out of’). The second half of the book is Ruby’s practical guide to mindfulness for babies, kids, parents etc “it’s not a one shoe fits all”.
But, Ruby’s not pushing this mindfulness business on people.
“Other ways to live longer (if mindfulness isn’t for you) is to have a lot of friends around, marry someone who makes you laugh, keep learning, exercise, eat broccoli and don’t smoke.”
“You will be the judge of the contents, I’m just the messenger’.
Frazzled the book is available in print, digital and audio.
Ruby Wax is touring Australia as of Friday 25th march. Dates and venues here!
Sign up to Ruby TV site and YouTube to be the first to see the interview with her.
